The Weight of the Issue

I like to think of myself as a happy person generally. There are parts of me I know will never change and parts of me I still need to work on.

I read a quote today that reminded me of what I need to be doing. It said, "you will never leave where you are until you decide where you need to be." I think this quote is very important for me, especially right now in my life.

I am overweight. Something that I am not thrilled over, but it is also something that has become sort of a security blanket for me. You see, originally, I started gaining weight because everyone said I was too skinny. Then I moved in with my boyfriend and I was depressed... So I gained more. Then I lost some...and then my nieces came to live with me. I gained more over the stress of the situation. I got pregnant and had a baby; I told myself I would lose the weight after my son was born. But I didn't. Instead I continued to gain weight. I tried, or started and stopped rather, many diets. It want until a long talk with my father that I had realized I was sabotaging my health because of my fears.

I feared that if I lost the weight, I would be likely to cheat on my husband. I would be getting attention from other men, I'd enjoy it, and eventually cheat. Again, I discredited myself and made an excuse. I am better than that...

There is a strong emotional component to me not getting healthy again. The more I think about it, the more I realize it's all in my head. I've got to stop these excuses and just decide where I need to be.

I need to be healthy. I need to be happy. I need to be strong, beautiful, girly, athletic, smart, creative, spontaneous, and loved.

It's time to move on. I know where I want to be, now I need to get there. No more excuses.